3 day update

Well, I have reason to be postive today. Of our 13 embryos, we have 6 of very good quality, 4 of good quality, 2 of poor quality, and only one of very poor quality. They will send 12 to PGD and we should get those results tomorrow. YAY!

The history

Here I am, three days past egg retrieval, feeling much more bloated and tired than I remembered from last cycles. I suppose I should have kept a blog back then so I could remember them. I am convinced that these fertility drugs affect my mental capacity. I tried to use that excuse with the IVF nurse, but as friendly as she was, I don't think she bought it.

We got the call yesterday that, of the 24 eggs retrieved, 15 were mature and 13 fertilized. Some in IVF circles would be elated with these numbers. I know I made the pledge to be positive, and I am truly trying, but this is just the most stressful thing ever. Our problem has never been egg numbers. I ovulate regularly and my levels are always just where they are supposed to be. Our issue is at the PGD stage of this numbers game. Our first IVF, we retrieved 28 eggs, 19 fertilized, 10 made it PGD, and only 2 were balanced. That means we only had two embryos to transfer. That IVF was the biggest roller coaster, with me bleeding during the 2 week wait, then getting a positive pregnancy test, then showing up at our first ultrasound only to hear we had no viable babies - it ended with a D&C after a blighted ovum. Our 2nd IVF, we retrieved 16 eggs, 10 fertilized, 5 made it to PGD, and only 1 (yes, ONE) was balanced. We transferred that one and, once again, I bled during the 2 week wait (both times I was shopping and found the blood in a mall bathroom - this IVF, NO SHOPPING!). There was no roller coaster this time. Negative pregnancy test and I moved on. So, it is understandable that I am a little weary about the numbers news for tomorrow. And, of course, I will be even more nervous waiting on the PGD numbers. Oh, and then the stress once we transfer. Ugghhh, IVF. Add on all the myths and tales about pineapple and bedrest and laptops on laps and it really is just too much.

Third time's a charm, yes? Trying to remain positive here as we await those numbers for tomorrow.

Another Mother's Day

With my 3rd IVF a month away and Mother's Day hanging over me the last 19 hours, what better time to start a blog...

6 years ago on Mother's Day, I was feeling a bit bummed because it was becoming apparent that my journey to motherhood may not be as easy as I had thought. We had been trying for almost a year with no baby. At this point, I still believed it would happen for us. A couple of tests, maybe a fertility drug here and there, and we would be on our pregnant way. Childless, still hopeful, but sometimes bitter, I sit here on another Mother's Day, bummed and desperately trying to believe it will happen for us this time. We've been through 3 IUIs, 2 IVFs, 1 positive pregnancy test leading to 1 blighted ovum leading to 1 D&C. It's my time. This time is my time.

And, so, the mission of my blog is to feed that belief. The vulnerability of this day made me realize that I can head in many emotional directions as we embark on a new cycle. I can focus on the negative, the "why me" mantra, the anger and frustration. But I know that, if I do want this final attempt to work, the positive attitude, "it's my time" mantra, and the impending joy awaiting me must be my mental focus.

Will you find some sarcasm along the way? Oh, yes, especially when the drugs begin. Feeding the sarcasm a bit helps starve the anger and frustration. Call it passive aggressiveness against my negative emotions. It works for me. I look forward to interaction with others in my situation and to inspiration from others to help me keep believing.

First blog done....